This Valentine is different

Originally posted Feb 5, 2015

 

This valentine season, and for the first valentine season ever, I am over-joyed. I know, I know that this is so cliché. Valentine is a hallmark holiday. I’ve always said that, as I googled pubs that have anti-valentine themes and a crowd that wants to be as far away from valentine as possible. I’d sing “all the single ladies” and pop red balloons. I’d go on to preach to my friends “This ridiculous holiday is made to trick consumers to buy e-cards, watch crappy movies, and buy expensive jewelry.” 

How could I have been so naïve. What a beautiful celebration. Love should be celebrated. There is nothing as beautiful, or as consuming. I never knew love can be so grand. Since I’ve met you, the world is brighter and in Feyrouz’s words, the moon is bigger. This particular season, I love everyone. I love looking at dating couples, newlyweds, babies, mothers, lousy chick flicks. Oh, how I’ve changed. You’ve changed me.  I’ve become less rational, and more emotional. I know most guys wouldn’t like that, but you’re so emotional yourself! I’ve become more caring, and more attentive to everyone’s needs. I’ve become more understanding of tantrums. I now understand that men are not what their exterior portrays them to be. Men, at the end of the day, are just like women. You’ve highlighted an excellent point. Men and women were both little crying babies who need love and attention. How is it that we expect men to be different, and women to need more attention?

That’s not the only way you have changed me. I will say it. You made me love myself more. I love who I have become with you. You’ve given me so much confidence and so much more meaning to life. What else? You’ve also introduced me to the pleasure of early mornings, there’s nothing like the morning with you.

I love you. I love you endlessly. I love you even if you keep me up all night worrying if we’re okay, if you’re happy, if I’m giving you everything you need. I love you even if you don’t love me for a single day in your life.  But, I know. Even if you don’t say it. I know that you love me just as much, or at-least, as much as you possibly can.  I know you love me because of the way you look at me when I enter any room. I know you love me by the way you hug me. I know you love me as you look up into my eyes as you lay on my chest every day.

I’ve never loved so much. Or fell so hard. For the first time, I’m not worried about loving too much or falling too hard. I’m in it and I just don’t care. If I could love you more, I’d do it. It didn’t start like that though.

It wasn’t love at first sight. It wasn’t the sudden chemistry that one would expect given I’m crazy for you now. It was a rough start. I can still remember you screaming constantly, and me just trying to understand, “what do you want? Tell me what to do.” You kept it to yourself, as if you wanted me to figure it out by myself. Communication is key, and ours was definitely not great. You’d make me cry, every-single-night. “Why are you making this so difficult, because of you, I’ve changed everything. I’ve changed my looks, my lifestyle, my mindset and everything just for you. Why? Why can’t you give me any credit?” I don’t know what I wanted. I just wanted something. Anything. Any form of sign that I was on the right track.

Then, you smiled. Exactly 6 weeks and 2 days after I laid my eyes on you the first time. I’ll never forget. I swooned, and I forgot what had passed. Your smile was a sign “you passed, you made it.” That split second changed everything. From that day on, it is as though music plays in the background of my life. I love you, beyond words and beyond comprehension. The jewelry, dates, and flowers will never compare. I know you’re not very expressive, or very romantic, but I think as the years go by you will learn. I will teach you. You will learn to express, and I will hear it. “I love you.” I will hear it from you, and I’m not sure what I would do then.

This Valentine, you’re all mine.  I realize though that one of those valentines, you’re probably going to be with a younger more beautiful woman who will give you a completely different type of love.

When that day comes, continue to remember me, even with a call. If I’m not there, also please remember me, because no-one will ever love you as much as I do. One day you’ll love valentine as much as I do this valentine, and you’ll say “that’s what she was talking about.” I hope I’ll be there.

As I look at you, I literally see my heart walking outside my body, then again, you did come from within me, what else would I expect?

 

If you feel the same, share the love.